And so it begins...

Alright, so here we go, my 1st official blog post. Exciting stuff, I can see why the kids are into it.  I myself, am an old soul that is highly suspicious of technology in general, I don't tweet, or instagram, or vine. It took me a few hours just to set this blog up, I felt like a monkey with an algebra book (or me with an algebra book, math is not my forte either) there was a lot of swearing and chocolate involved.

In my defense, technology has pretty strong feelings about me as well. I can't wear a watch, they stop working after about 3 days, anything with a computer chip has an inexplicable freak-out whenever I am near.  I once crashed the system of the bank I used just by walking in the front door.  I have my own laptop and am forbidden to touch my husbands desk top (it's a fair request) because any computer I am associated with crashes annually and I lose everything. The blue screen of death is practically my screensaver. I make IT experts speak in tongues.  I am the beta tester to END all beta testers.

"Oh really, your system is idiot proof??  Welp, say hello to a better brand of idiot. Hang on while I flick an eyelash at it - wow, is it supposed to burst into flames like that?"

Fly me over North Korea, I'll blow a kiss to all the missile silo's, and bam, nuclear problem solved, those bitches will never fly.  My contribution to world peace, you are welcome.  I do have a FB account but that is the extent of my virtual existence up to now.

Don't get me wrong, I love the internet, the amount of information that is at our fingertips is staggering. And for a closet introvert that is addictive stuff, all that information, no interaction. Sweet.

Not that I don't like people, I love people.  We are a fascinating, flawed, multi-faceted bunch,  90% of my entertainment comes from the everyday foibles and falls of humanity (my own included).  In particular, celebrities, it's hella interesting to watch what happens to different personalities when well-steeped in fame, money, power, and every sort of excess.  Some handle it with grace and dignity, then there are the others - that have so lost touch with any kind of reality and are taking WTF to a whole new level.

So if you are into that sort of thing, this will be fun.  Let's dive right in shall we?  

So Goopy Paltrow and Chris Martin are calling it quitsville.  According to Goopy's lifestyle blog (written I assume, from the penthouse suite of her ivory tower) it’s not a divorce…wait for it…it’s a conscious uncoupling.  Yup, conscious uncoupling…as opposed to unconscious uncoupling, you know - where you go into some sort of fugue state and 20 years later realize your spouse no longer lives with you, if I had a nickel…  

I think Chris M.was just hungry.  Poor guy hasn’t been allowed to have any meat, sugar, or caffeine (except when Goopy wasn’t lookin) in years.  I picture him saying “Bitch, I needz a burger!! Coldplay out!”  My eyes rolled so hard when I read Goopy's statement, I actually heard a clicking noise. Goopy has spent the last few years making pretentious the new obnoxious, and doing a hell of a job of it.  

Goopy, you are not experiencing a conscious uncoupling - gurl, you gettin divorced.  If divorce was good enough for Liz Taylor, Marilyn Monroe, and ice princess Johnny Weir, it's good enough for the likes of you. To sum up my feelings, here is a picture of Johnny Weir and his fav accessory, bff TLittle silently judging you.